"Don't ask what I do. Ask what I prevent"

Vibe coding is obsolete. Real ones aura code.

I am not a developer. I engineer the existential scaffolding of digital hyperrealities. My code doesn’t run it levitates. I don’t write bugs, I channel them. I don't need AI suggestions, I only listen to the voices inside my head.

My codebase is written exclusively during solar flares and moments of existential crisis. Pull requests require a 500-word essay on why reality is optional.

Currently disrupting the concept of disruption.

Supreme Director of Panoramic Synergy at the Department of Recursive Innovation & Post-Structural Software Synthesis. Former Grand Vizier of Conditional Optimization at the Institute of Modular Redundancy and Accidental Brilliance. Lead Executive of Unreadable Codebases at CorpCorpCorp™. Chair of the Subcommittee on Temporal Code Folding and Quantum Versioning under the Open Chaos Initiative. Authored the first self-aware README.md.

High Chancellor, Subatomic Agile Council for Asynchronous Telekinetic Refactoring

• Resolved a 17-way merge conflict between realities.
• Deployed a CI/CD pipeline using Morse code fueled by fear and screams.

Principal Anti-Pattern Evangelist, Recursive Causality Collective

• Built a neural network from pure ambition and failed unit tests.
• Reimplemented DNS using interpretive shadow puppetry.
• Standardized emotionally-driven PRs.

Senior Entropy Engineer, Global Society for Indecipherable Acronyms (GSIA)

• Demoted to Sentient Merge Conflict after containerizing the void.
• Debugged a stack overflow in linear time.
• Founded the Fullstack Flat-Earth DevOps Guild (FFE-DOG).

• Reversible Non-Deterministic Uncertainty Simulation
• AI-Driven Rubber Duck Debugging
• Alchemical Compilation Techniques
• Git Detachment Therapy
• Force Push and Pray™

• 9999+ commits to the void
• 37 forks of my own ego
• 1 contribution to society

• Refactor only during planetary alignment
• I type :w after speaking in real life, just in case
• Pray to :help, receive one deprecated API per day
• Trained an AI in Vim using macros, rage, and dread
• Store keybinds in my spinal cord

README.md last updated during a fever dream.