AKA "Technologies I Break on a Daily Basis"
🐍 Languages I Speak Fluently (to computers, not humans)
| Technology | Skill Level | Sarcastic Reality Check |
|---|---|---|
 |
🔥🔥🔥🔥 | My spirit animal (if snakes could disappoint their parents) |
 |
🔥🔥🔥 | Fighting the borrow checker while async routines haunt my dreams. tokio::spawn(anxiety) |
 |
🔥🔥🔥 | Because I'm a masochist who enjoys undefined is not a function |
 |
🔥🔥🔥 | JavaScript's therapy session - still broken, but with types |
 |
🔥🔥🔥🔥 | Faster than my ability to understand why it's called "Go" |
 |
🔥🔥 | Write once, debug everywhere, cry eternally |
 |
🔥 | For when I want to question my life choices |
 |
🔥🔥 | Microsoft's attempt at making developers less miserable (failed) |
 |
🔥 | Making statistics lie prettier since 1993 |
 |
🔥🔥🔥🔥 | $5000 calculator that judges your financial decisions |
 |
🔥🔥🔥 | rm -rf / enthusiast (kidding... mostly) |
// My relationship with Rust's async runtime
async fn my_sanity() -> Result<(), Box<dyn std::error::Error>> {
tokio::select! {
_ = understanding_lifetimes() => println!("Never happens"),
_ = fighting_borrow_checker() => println!("Daily routine"),
_ = async_move_confusion() => println!("Why can't I move this?!"),
_ = pin_unpin_madness() => panic!("WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM ME?!"),
}
}
// Error: cannot borrow `sanity` as mutable because it is also borrowed as immutable
// Help: have you tried crying?🗄️ Databases That Store My Tears & Broken Dreams
| Database | Pain Level | Honest Description |
|---|---|---|
 |
😭😭😭 | SELECT * FROM problems WHERE solution IS NULL AND deadline < NOW() |
 |
😭😭 | The elephant that never forgets... especially your mistakes |
 |
😭😭😭 | NoSQL? More like NoSleep, NoSanity, NoHope |
 |
😭 | Faster than my impostor syndrome kicking in |
☁️ DevOps Tools (Because I Enjoy Suffering in Production)
⚠️ WARNING: The following tools may cause:
- Existential dread
- Spontaneous crying
- Uncontrollable urge to become a farmer
- Dreams about YAML indentation
| Tool | Chaos Level | What It Actually Does |
|---|---|---|
 |
🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥 | "It works on my container" - Famous last words |
 |
🔥🔥🔥 | Orchestrating chaos like a drunk conductor |
 |
🔥🔥 | Infrastructure as Code as Confusion as Therapy Bills |
 |
🔥🔥 | git commit -m "please work this time" specialist |
 |
🔥🔥🔥 | Automated disappointment delivery system |
apiVersion: chaos/v1
kind: MentalBreakdown
metadata:
name: royyan-sanity-deployment
spec:
replicas: 0 # Always zero, never scales
selector:
matchLabels:
state: "perpetually-confused"
template:
spec:
containers:
- name: understanding
image: 404:not-found
resources:
limits:
patience: "0Mi"
coffee: "∞"☁️ Cloud Providers (Where Company Credit Cards Go to Die)
"The cloud is just someone else's computer" - Yeah, someone else's EXPENSIVE computer
| Provider | Bill Shock | Honest Review |
|---|---|---|
 |
💸💸💸💸💸 | Microsoft's attempt to make Office 365 bills look reasonable |
 |
💸💸💸💸 | Amazon's personal money printer disguised as "cloud services" |
 |
💸💸 | Google's side hustle while they kill your favorite products |
function calculateAWSBill() {
let baseCost = 10;
let actualCost = baseCost * Math.random() * 1000;
let surpriseFees = actualCost * 2;
let dataTransferCost = Infinity;
return "Just sell a kidney";
}🎨 Frontend Frameworks (Making Things Pretty While Dying Inside)
| Framework | Frustration | Reality Check |
|---|---|---|
 |
😵💫😵💫😵💫 | useEffect dependency array: the final boss of web development |
 |
😵💫😵💫 | TypeScript on steroids having an identity crisis |
 |
😵💫 | The "friendly" one (still makes you cry, but nicely) |
 |
😵💫😵💫 | React but with more opinions than your mother-in-law |
 |
😵💫 | CSS but make it className="h-screen w-full flex items-center justify-center" |
.my-div {
/* Day 2,847 of trying to center this */
position: absolute;
top: 50%;
left: 50%;
transform: translate(-50%, -50%);
margin: auto;
display: flex;
justify-content: center;
align-items: center;
/* Still not centered */
crying: infinite;
}🔧 Backend Stuff (Where the Real Magic™ Happens)
| Technology | Magic Level | What Actually Happens |
|---|---|---|
 |
🪄🪄 | JavaScript everywhere because apparently we hate ourselves |
 |
🪄 | Minimal framework, maximum confusion |
 |
🪄🪄🪄 | "The web framework for perfectionists with deadlines" (pick one) |
 |
🪄🪄 | Microsoft's Swiss Army knife (rusty and overcomplicated) |
 |
🪄 | Message queue goes brrr (until it doesn't) |
🤖 Machine Learning (Teaching Computers to Be as Confused as Me)
def my_ml_knowledge():
accuracy = random.uniform(0, 1)
confidence = 0.99 # Always confident, never accurate
overfit = True # Always
understanding = None # 404 Not Found
return f"Model accuracy: {accuracy:.2f} (trust me bro)"| Framework | Confusion Level | Brutal Honesty |
|---|---|---|
 |
🤯🤯🤯 | Google's way of making you feel stupid in 50+ languages |
 |
🤯🤯 | Meta's answer to "how can we make gradients more confusing?" |
 |
🤯 | Machine learning for dummies (that's me, I'm the dummy) |
📱 Mobile & Other Random Stuff I Pretend to Know
| Technology | Pretense Level | What I Actually Know |
|---|---|---|
 |
🎭🎭 | Green robot supremacy (when it works) |
 |
🎭🎭🎭 | Write once, debug everywhere, question life choices |
 |
🎭🎭🎭🎭 | I use Arch BTW (actually Ubuntu, don't tell anyone) |
Live updates from the trenches of software development
$ whoami
Professional-code-breaker
$ pwd
/home/royyan/existential-crisis/debugging-hell
$ ls -la motivation/
total 0
-rw-r--r-- 1 royyan staff 0B Jan 1 1970 .empty
$ git status
On branch main
Your branch is behind 'origin/main' by 47 commits
(use "git pull" to update... or just pretend this never happened)
Changes not staged for commit:
- sanity.txt (deleted)
- work-life-balance.md (corrupted)
- sleep-schedule.json (missing)
- understanding-rust-async.rs (will never exist)
$ cargo build
Compiling life v0.0.1
error[E0106]: missing lifetime specifier
--> src/main.rs:42:13
|
42 | happiness: &str,
| ^ expected named lifetime parameter
|
help: this is your life now- 🔭 Currently working on: Something that definitely won't work in production (but might crash spectacularly)
- 🌱 Learning: How to center a div (Day 2,847) & Why Rust's async runtime hates me personally
- ⚡ Fun fact: I've googled "how to exit vim" more times than I've successfully exited vim (yup, it is every single time)
- 🦀 Rust status:
Box<Pin<Arc<Mutex<Confusion>>>>- don't ask me what this means - 💬 Languages I'm fluent in: Sarcasm, Stack Overflow, and Imposter Syndrome
- 🎮 Side quest: Explaining to my rubber duck why
tokio::spawnisn't spawning happiness
Scientifically accurate representation of my work day
Productivity │
▲ │ ☕ ← "I can fix this"
│ │ ☕ ☕ ← "Why isn't this working?"
│ │ ☕ ☕ ← "Stack Overflow time"
│ │ ☕ ☕ ← "Maybe more coffee?"
│ │ ☕ ☕ ← "Just one more commit"
│ │ ☕ 🦀 ☕ ← "Why is Rust async so hard?"
│ │ ☕ ☕ ← "Tomorrow's problem"
│ │ ☕ ☕
│ │ ☕ ☕ ← Acceptance
│ │☕ ☕
└──────┼───────────────────────▶
│ Time
9 AM 5 PM
- ✅ Wrote code that only I can't understand
- ✅ Mastered the art of "it works on my machine"
- ✅ Can create infinite loops in any language
- ✅ Expert at turning simple tasks into complex problems (thanks for it, I got my PhD)
- ✅ Successfully angered the Rust borrow checker 1000+ times
- ✅ Async/await? More like async/a-why-t
- ❌ Work-life balance (still in beta)
- ❌ Understanding Rust lifetimes (ETA: heat death of universe)
Code Quality
▲
100% │⚡ "Hello World!"
│ \
75% │ \___⚡ "Added features"
│ \
50% │ \___⚡ "Fixed bugs"
│ \___
25% │ \___⚡ "More fixes"
│ \___
0% │ \___⚡ "Production"
└──────────────────────────────▶
Day 1 Day 30 Time
For professional disappointment and technical disasters
// I have no idea why this works, but it does.
// If you change this code, it will break.
// If you don't change this code, it will still break.
// Good luck, future me.
//
// UPDATE: Past me is an idiot
// UPDATE 2: Current me is also an idiot
// UPDATE 3: Async Rust has entered the chat"Any fool can write code that a computer can understand. Good programmers write code that humans can understand... I am neither."
— Me, probably (definitely)
Stage 1: "That can't happen."
Stage 2: "That doesn't happen on my machine."
Stage 3: "That shouldn't happen."
Stage 4: "Why is it working now?!"
Stage 5: "Ship it before it realizes it's broken"
Bonus Stage (Rust edition): "The borrow checker is gaslighting me"
Our Ferris who art in memory,
Hallowed be thy ownership.
Thy borrow come,
Thy will be done,
In heap as it is in stack.
Give us this day our daily compile,
And forgive us our unwraps,
As we forgive those who panic against us.
Lead us not into unsafe blocks,
But deliver us from segfaults.
For thine is the lifetime,
The async and the await,
Forever and ever.
Cargo run.People who accidentally stumbled into my digital disaster zone
- 🐛 Bugs fixed: -47 (yes, negative. I create more than I fix)
- ☕ Coffee consumed: ∞ cups
- 💾 Git commits: 50% "fixed typo", 30% "please work", 20% profanity
- 🎯 Accuracy in time estimates: 404 Not Found
- 🧠 Brain cells remaining:
undefined - 🦀 Times yelled at Rust compiler: Yes
🍪 You've reached the end! Here's your reward:
Click here for a cookie 🍪
.-""""""-.
.' '.
/ O O \
: ` :
| | Your code is great!
: \______/ : (That's what I tell myself)
\ /
'. .'
'-.........-'
🦀 BONUS CRAB 🦀
V
(\_/)
( o.o)
(> <)
Ferris says: "Nice README!"
You're awesome for reading this far! May your code compile on the first try (it won't)
